rush of posts

introspective:

so, last friday i had a little meeting with my team lead. we usually sit down and chat about business and all that jazz every week or two. regardless, i gave him my quick 20 minute agenda...

what was on that agenda you might ask? well
1. mission, vision, values -- just starting to write this out (so i thought)
2. internet leads and how to market
3. something else i can remember, probably had something do to with real estate. hehehe (anyways, it will become quite apparent that we never made it to 3, nor 2 for that matter)

so we sit down and i give him the agenda and start out by pulling out this article i found on the CIO website about mission, vision, and values. i said i am just getting into it and plan to read the article and start writing some ideas about it all. you know, the 'couple week' plan.

well, it turned into this hour and half discussion about what i believe and what i deserve. come on, really? (well, it was actually awesome, i needed it and will be doing tons of introspection over the next few months)

the crazy thing is we starting talking about perception (our core self vs. our percieved, or viewed by others, self), fears, self-worth... you name it. it was a good ole fashion counseling session about me discovering things about myself i had no idea were there.

here are a couple of highlights.

relationships... how i relate things:
1. i relate lack of modesty to someone that is condescending. hmmm
2. i relate the fact that when someone rejects me, i feel like i let them down. yikes.

fears...
of course i have a fear of rejection (see relationships part 2)
but i really think i have a fear of success. the second fear is much more of a problem than the first. i think for years i have been trying to combat my fear of rejection. and i have made some headway on it... but i truly dont believe that is my major problem... fear of success is.

anyway, i have to think about this crap for a while. i think i am getting somewhere. well, i might actually be maturing to my age again. this next year i turn 30 and i might actually start acting 30. what a concept.

oh, chicago made me younger. i lost (or didnt mature) for close to 4 years while i was in chicago. that is funny to me. i think i was more mature in high school than i was 3 years ago.

what does all this mean?

so i now have another assignment... before i can even start working on mission, vision, and values, i have to figure out what i truly believe (me, me, me, not others) and what i truly deserve.

i came up with a couple things.. but by tomorrow i will have a bunch more.

I believe in/that...
- nothing is a handout
- work is neccessary for a return
- i am a spiritual being that is driven by something bigger than me (jesus)

I deserve ...
- being compensated well when going a good job

hmmm. its a start.

anyway, i really recommend you all do this. i think it is important for every individual to come up with a mission, vision, values statement that describes who you are. i will post it when it is done.

start with what you believe and deserve. that pricks at the core. then you can extrapolate that to your 'big why' -- what you truly feel is driving you as a person. then translate that to a couple pieces of paper and keep it close. maybe you will discover you are in the wrong job, location... but i truly believe it will help you discover that you have made tons and tons of right decisions because your intuition is ultimately who you are, right?

i am who i am.