Tuesday, November 29, 2005

sweet chicago

man, i really miss chicago. just the simple pleasure of taking the el downtown, hearing the soft sounds of the tracks and seeing brick upon brick of beautiful brownstones. as i sit here looking out upon madison and wacker streets all i can think of is my time of past.

dont get me wrong, i love denver and if i ever moved back to the middlewest, it would probably be in wisconsin, but chicago always has a place in my heart.

seriously, this place is beautiful. the idea of living a simple life in complicated chicago really really appeals to me. actually, living a simple life really really sounds appealing to me. just a couple more things i need to take care of before that happens.

how can you not look upon the streets of this gritty city and not fall in love with it. its anonimity(sp?) and crazyness combined. how fabulous.

i guess i am really reflective upon simple lifestyles right now. fires, sweaters, movies, games, curled up, no cares yet struggling, low material ownership, thoughts of God, marriage, reclusion, close friends, cooking, no tv... sounds awesome.

i was at my friend randy and sarah's house and was just envious of their downtown madison apartment with lots of hardwood and built-ins. functional obsolencence, beautiful picture windows, slowness of a sunday night. awesome.

i guess i am in a quiet mood right now :)

Sunday, November 27, 2005

ok, ok

so i haven't been that great with updating my blog... but i did get to eat lots of turkey this weekend. that means that everything worked out and all is ok.

beyond the enjoyments of spending quality time relaxing with family and friends, it has been a great weekend to get away from denver for a bit. i haven't had that time alone to think much but i have a couple days of me time in chicago this week so that will make up for it. i look forward to some introspective time again.

the main reason that i haven't updated this site and others is that i kinda fell out of life the last few weeks. i checked out and just worked tons and tons. i wasn't in the mood to do much of anything else (sorry) but thats the truth. sometimes you just get in that mood, and i was there. i am looking forward to this week cause i think it is on the verge of breaking and will break once i get back to town.

i cant promise that i will be a master at this writing stuff, but i am still faithful and writing this and other things in my schedule. i just need to not procrastinate and do it. one of my biggest problems...

so that is fun, right?

anyway i do have time this week to delve more into things but since i got reemed out by everyone about my blog, i thought i would at least send a little update.

Sunday, November 06, 2005

rush of posts


so, last friday i had a little meeting with my team lead. we usually sit down and chat about business and all that jazz every week or two. regardless, i gave him my quick 20 minute agenda...

what was on that agenda you might ask? well
1. mission, vision, values -- just starting to write this out (so i thought)
2. internet leads and how to market
3. something else i can remember, probably had something do to with real estate. hehehe (anyways, it will become quite apparent that we never made it to 3, nor 2 for that matter)

so we sit down and i give him the agenda and start out by pulling out this article i found on the CIO website about mission, vision, and values. i said i am just getting into it and plan to read the article and start writing some ideas about it all. you know, the 'couple week' plan.

well, it turned into this hour and half discussion about what i believe and what i deserve. come on, really? (well, it was actually awesome, i needed it and will be doing tons of introspection over the next few months)

the crazy thing is we starting talking about perception (our core self vs. our percieved, or viewed by others, self), fears, self-worth... you name it. it was a good ole fashion counseling session about me discovering things about myself i had no idea were there.

here are a couple of highlights.

relationships... how i relate things:
1. i relate lack of modesty to someone that is condescending. hmmm
2. i relate the fact that when someone rejects me, i feel like i let them down. yikes.

of course i have a fear of rejection (see relationships part 2)
but i really think i have a fear of success. the second fear is much more of a problem than the first. i think for years i have been trying to combat my fear of rejection. and i have made some headway on it... but i truly dont believe that is my major problem... fear of success is.

anyway, i have to think about this crap for a while. i think i am getting somewhere. well, i might actually be maturing to my age again. this next year i turn 30 and i might actually start acting 30. what a concept.

oh, chicago made me younger. i lost (or didnt mature) for close to 4 years while i was in chicago. that is funny to me. i think i was more mature in high school than i was 3 years ago.

what does all this mean?

so i now have another assignment... before i can even start working on mission, vision, and values, i have to figure out what i truly believe (me, me, me, not others) and what i truly deserve.

i came up with a couple things.. but by tomorrow i will have a bunch more.

I believe in/that...
- nothing is a handout
- work is neccessary for a return
- i am a spiritual being that is driven by something bigger than me (jesus)

I deserve ...
- being compensated well when going a good job

hmmm. its a start.

anyway, i really recommend you all do this. i think it is important for every individual to come up with a mission, vision, values statement that describes who you are. i will post it when it is done.

start with what you believe and deserve. that pricks at the core. then you can extrapolate that to your 'big why' -- what you truly feel is driving you as a person. then translate that to a couple pieces of paper and keep it close. maybe you will discover you are in the wrong job, location... but i truly believe it will help you discover that you have made tons and tons of right decisions because your intuition is ultimately who you are, right?

i am who i am.

Saturday, November 05, 2005

halloween again

ok, i guess i get to re-live the weekend once again. that is fine cause it was pretty fun.

so friday night was a fun night, i actually was able to dj at my friends party. it was pretty tough, a lot more difficult than my previous dj'ing experiences. mostly because these people i did not know and i did not know their music. i heard it went well enough, so that is good. it always seems like i dont have the music people request, but does anybody? how many times at a wedding or a party do you want to hear that one song and they dont have it. well that happens to the best of us.

since i didn't have my true costume quite ready, i just quickly dressed up as an overdone rapper. that is pretty easy for me since i have the clothes and know the attitude :)

saturday rolled around and i did nothing much than recover. the night was quite long and quite late. fun, yes, but took a toll on my maximizing saturday. ahhh well, i guess i just went to work and did that for a couple hours then ran off to my house to relax. my friend, joe, convinced me to go to his house for a little gathering of folk. he wanted me to control the music, but i was done with that :) so i just showed up in my grubs and chatted with folk for an hour or two then went home. ahh sweet sleep.

so sunday rolled around and i had a big day infront of me. i told a bunch of folk that i was going to have a bbq at the house, costumes and all. that means i spent the morning preparing for it and then the rest of day entertaining and cooking and all that stuff that is required to host a bbq. it takes lots of work, but was definitely fun.

oh, i dressed up as peewee herman. cant quite do the character, so i kept quiet, did a little 'tequila dance' and kept cooking. i thought i could pull off a little peewee impersonation, but alas, i am not that talented :) might be a good thing though, peewee is kinda scary.

anyway, i spent the rest of the week working and catching up with reality. i dressed up as myself, mainly and went out and lived.

this weekend, i am just working. i am done for the day... about to do some dinner and a movie (i think i will watch saw II) and call it a saturday. tomorrow i will be working all day, do a little open house and then hit up my church.

after skipping church last weekend (bbq) i am looking forward to it again, kinda miss it.

later y'all

Friday, November 04, 2005

that's weird


i wrote up a pretty post about my festivities last weekend... it is not here. hmmm, that is too bad.

anyway, that means i have to redo it. i have time today.